My children, their exact number escapes me at the moment, dared to be ticked off when I asked them to please wear name tags with their birth month and day. They vehemently refused thus forcing me to call them by whatever name popped into my mind and out my mouth. Their corresponding birthdates— let’s not get started. One son rudely pointed out that I should, at the very least, remember his name and birthdate as he was my firstborn. I said he looked far too old to be my son. I can’t remember if he forgave my comment or not.
The upside to memory lapse is it provides an excellent excuse for avoiding tedious meetings or appointments with people you wish you could forget and can’t. Forgetting to plan dinner definitely has its advantages unless your partner thinks he/she can cook when in actual fact they forgot they can’t. Forgetting the actual calendar date is— well— does it really matter if one is retired? We know if it is Spring, Summer, Fall or Winter. What more does one need to know? Anyways, you only forget what people remind you that you forgot and those rude people should to be forgotten.
Another common side effect of aging is hearing loss. While this can be annoying it does have its advantages such as: hearing only pleasant things, ignoring unrequested critiques, or being told how to do things SHOULD be done. One can also claim not to have heard a ‘no’ response and proceed with what one wanted to do, which, of course, one would have done regardless. If a complaint is forthcoming, simply respond with “I didn’t hear you”. Failing that, ask, “In the whole scheme of things, it is really all that important?” Unfortunately, my hearing was still very good when my late father, always late but now deceased, mumbled in his loud voice, that I should be using an anti-aging cream. I was shocked, as I was not yet 50. Knowing that he was hard of hearing, I hurled some very unflattering superlatives at him. When he asked, “Pardon, I did not hear you,” I just smiled sweetly.
Eyesight diminishes but that too has its benefits. Many people of a certain age group, refuse to wear glasses other than for reading. Without glasses, one always looks younger as does one’s friends. The white streaks appearing in the dyed coiffeur, facial hair, wrinkles, or sagging bits and pieces of the body are not seen, thus do not exist. My partner refuses to wear his prescription glasses thus he does not see the ravages of time on his body or better yet, on MINE. The sweet fool likes to think his sweetie is a much younger woman. I encourage this delusional thinking. We are forever young when glasses-less.
There is an exception to the no glasses rule and that is overly large, very dark, sunglasses that hide ‘things’.
