Finding Her Voice

There was no self-pity here, nor a plea for special treatment. It was an explanation, not a justification.  Matthews had no reason to distrust her story. He respected her dignified and mature request for non-intervention, and was prepared to defer to her wish for him to keep his distance. The report continued with her analysis of the play:

“Doctor Faustus is a play about a man who sells his soul to the Devil in return for power and influence. I admire his rebel stand, but deplore the tragic consequences of it. Such a waste of his education, knowledge, and talent! We see his initial arrogance crushed in the end by his desperate desire to escape his doom: ‘O lente, lente, currite noctis equi!’ he cries, dreading the imminent arrival of ‘night-mares’ (get it?).  My hair stood on end! Earlier, the Devil’s emissary, Mephistopheles, who relays Faustus’ desire to his boss, and concludes the agreement between the two of them, is mocked by Faustus, who initially doubts the Devil’s own power to carry out his threat to deprive Faustus of the everlasting salvation he would have if he lived a sinless life. After all, claims Faustus, then reveling in his life of self-indulgent debauchery, even you can escape from Hell, as you come here and go there at your own free will, so I have nothing to fear. But Mephistopheles tells Faustus he is wrong: he himself is in hell no matter where he is: ‘Why, this is hell, nor am I out of it,’ he says.

In truth, Hell can be wherever we are. We all create our own hells. We can make the best or the worst of our difficulties. I want to make the best of mine. At the end of the play, Faustus, having frittered away his life so pointlessly, realizes that a bargain is a bargain, even one made with the Devil, and he is carted off by the Devil’s agents to his eternal torment, having to pay the price for his foolishness in defying the harmful power of the diabolical…”

That was it, exactly! Poor decisions have fatal consequences. She had understood the play and even more importantly, could apply its lessons to her own life. Few teenagers were capable of such thoughtful introspection, not even in this school, a haven for aspiring truth-seekers. Matthews idly speculated about the power of her imagination and ability to empathize, and about how much in her young life she had had to absorb of the Devil’s works in order to write convincingly of the power of evil. He praised her work and reassured her that he would leave her to her own devices. As time was of the essence, he relieved her of the necessity to write a further report. He could see that she had seen in him, despite their differences of age, sex, circumstance, and temperament, a kindred spirit, but she did not need his help now. Her final essay was likely to be a triumph. She would “make the best” of her circumstances.