6
After spending a few days working out my scheme, I arranged a sit-down with Theresa and Tom to get their reaction.
“Let us begin by agreeing that none of this will go beyond the three of us.”
“This sounds serious!”
“It is, Theresa! It tests our very souls.”
“Nothing personal, Harry, but do accountants have souls?”
“Thanks a lot, Father Thomas!”
“OK, gentlemen, let’s get down to business.”
“Since we need to keep everything secret, we won’t be leaving a paper trail. But, I promise, my plan is very simple.
“Here’s part one: When businesses make food donations, you can encourage them to list larger quantities of the bagels, desserts, tuna salad, and the canned goods than they actually provide.”
“In other words,” Tom observed, “they’ll be getting larger tax deductions from the IRS.”
“Correct.”
“And that’s legal?” asked Theresa.
“Was the war legal?”
“Point taken.”
“Now, here’s part two of the plan. It’s a little bit iffier, at least from a legal standpoint.”
Each gave me a very questioning look. Clearly, a little finagling with the food donations is not a very serious legal offense. If they ever got caught, they would be given a small fine at most and perhaps a stiff warning to never do it again.
“Remember the story of the miracle of the bread?”
“Of course!” replied Tom. “Jesus handed out a few loaves of bread to his disciples, who tore off small pieces and handed them to many hungry people. The bread kept multiplying and thousands of people were fed.”
“So, Harry, your plan is to have our cash donations multiply like the bread?” asked Theresa.
“Hey, if it worked almost two thousand years ago, it might still work now.”
“And if it does, it will be another miracle!”
“From your lips, Tom, to God’s ears.”
“So, here’s how it will work: You know all those monetary contributions you get each year?”
“You mean the hundreds of thousands of dollars that pour in?”
They chuckled.
“Yeah, right Theresa! Soon you’ll probably need to hire an accountant to help you keep track. And an investment advisor to get you the best return on your idle funds.
“Well, what if I told you guys that maybe you could be pulling in much larger monetary contributions?”
Just then a guest walked in the door.
“Hey, let’s ask her where she invests her money,” quipped Theresa.
“Hi Tom! Hi Theresa! I hate to drop in on you after hours, but I was wondering if you could help me out.”
“Sure, Bernice! Would you like a couple of cans of baked beans or tuna to tide you over until Friday?”
“That would be great, Tom! You’re an angel!”
Everyone smiled.
After Bernice left, Theresa got up to do a little more tidying up. As I helped her, I noticed that Tom remained seated. Maybe the poor guy was finally beginning to feel his age. On the other hand, I should be in that kind of shape when I’m as old as he is now.
