23. A Model Student Lacking in Confidence

This is story #23 in the series “Where Exactly is Home?”. The author recommends you read them in order.

Introduction:

“Where Exactly is Home?” follows the story of my parents, my two younger brothers and me, Susan, who emigrated from war-battered Britain, in the mid-late 1950’s, to Southern Rhodesia, Africa.

The effects of this move on our family were huge, as we struggled to adapt to such a different way of life. Only after further upheaval, and more long-distance travelling, did our family eventually settle in the city of Salisbury, Rhodesia.

However, we did not know then that we would not remain there for the rest of our lives, either.

When the family first went to Africa, I, Susan, was 9 years old. My two brothers, John and Peter, were almost 7 and 4, respectively.

Nowadays, as seniors, John and Peter live in England. I live in Canada. Throughout our lives, we have both benefitted from, and suffered because of, our somewhat unusual childhood.

I, for one, still sometimes ask myself which country represents home to me.

This is a series of stories under the title “Where Exactly is Home?” – I recommend you read them in order, starting with story #1.

23. A Model Student Lacking in Confidence

It always takes time to get used to a new routine, such as beginning an exercise programme, or going to bed earlier to guarantee adequate hours of sleep. Some people claim one must persevere for three weeks, at least, before the new routine becomes established in one’s mind. Does it take that long to get used to a new school, I wondered? Maybe not, but that doesn’t make it any easier to leave the house on that first day.

Attending a new school is nerve-racking, because of the uncertainty involved. As a teenager, I set off for my first day at Girls High School, in Salisbury, just as I had done so many times before to all my other new schools, half-terrified and asking myself endless questions. What will this latest school be like? What are the students going to be like? What will the teachers be like? How will I find my way around? Will I be late for class? How strict will the teachers be? Will I fit in with the other students? Will everyone laugh at my curly hair?

Fitting in with my peer group was of paramount importance to me, since I was now 13 1/2 and was a somewhat anxious teenager, very aware of how I might not fit in. As usual, I feared being bullied, having no friends, being unable to cope with the work and failing my courses. Many years later, I overheard my father telling a neighbour about my lack of confidence. I remember his words clearly, as he said of me, “Susan has failed every single exam she has always passed”. Yes, it was true. I always thought I was going to fail, but I didn’t in the end. Far from it!  My results were usually amongst the best, but I had worked so hard to achieve them.

Radiogram
(Source: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:X5683_-_Radiogrammofon_Granada_III_-_Gylling_%26_Co_-_foto_Dan_Johansson.jpg